|
Dont weep for me for cause Im not alone,
Im here with Jesus beside His throne.
I am not cold nor asleep.
Theres so many new people here in heaven to meet.
I love you and miss you and know you grieve for me,
But Im here,waiting for you,one day soon, reunited we will be.
We will soon be together forever, Jesus is making the plans.
He is coming to bring you home, to this beautiful land.
No tears,no sorrow,no pain is allowed in this heavenly home.
The blind can see, the deaf can hear, the crippled have new legs to roam.
No sadness exists in this city so fair,
No tears ever form in this land over here.
So, dont ever say good-bye
Just see you soon, here beyond the sky.
You see, Im happier than Ive ever been, since entering heaven's gates,
I miss you so much but for you, I will patiently wait.
We will never be separated again, together for eternity,
So be happy when you think of me,Please dont for me grieve.
By Dj French
A MOTHER'S GRIEF
There are many emotions we are hit with in life,
Grief is the hardest, filled with heart wrenching strife.
Nobody knows the worst grief, unless, they lose a child,
To never hear their voice again, never see their sweet sweet smile.
There is no hurt like it,there is no pain like a Mother's grief,
Knowing their child will never again come home, its beyond anyone's belief.
Some people will say with stone conviction, I know just how you feel,
This is just their ignorance speaking , though , for them, this isn't real.
They can't know the horrors we have seen, or the pain that fills our entire hearts and souls.
They can't even imagine the nightmares we have, None of this can they know.
They will say, " Get over it," " Get past," Get on with your life,"
They dont understand when they utter these things, they are only twisting the knife,
That has been thrust deep into our hearts, the second we were told,
Our child wasnt here anymore, they were now trodding on streets of gold.
Grief, an emotion so deep, it cant be explained, Some will never understand,
The ones that have their children close, will never comprehend.
Our minds race at all times, memories rushing through our brains so fast,
Of happy times, of loving times, of the time we saw them last.
Grief fills our hearts, what could we have done, what ifs, hows and whys,
We will never understand, receive any answers to our questions, all we can seem to do is sit and cry.
We sit at their graves for hours, seeking just 1 sign.
Wanting to know their spirit is with us, that they haven't left us behind.
We dream of them still here with us, and wake up so relieved,
For just a few minutes, we thought they were here, its been a nightmare we so want to believe.
But, then, we look around, and see their picture's surrounding us everywhere.
Reality hits and we know its all real, its truly the burden we now bear.
Every day we pray this will get easier, but, it never does or will,
We are trapped in our memories with them, we want everyone to remember them still.
But, life goes on for all but us, memories for others will fade and grow dim,
They won't all remember everything, as we do, a piece of our heart has been taken with them.
We wonder how other's lives can go on, when ours is stuck forever, missing and longing for our child?
Never forgetting them for 1 second, every move, every word, every smile.
But, life must go on for others and we must understand.
Though they loved our angel so much, they cant always hold our hands.
To go on with their lives doesn't mean they didn't love, maybe just can't take anymore tears,
But they haven't forgotten completely, they will dwell on these memories for years.
But, for us Moms, it's different, we will truly never ever forget and never do we want to forget , our precious babies and their fate.
That is why we build these sites to preserve and lock in time all these special dates.
One day we will all be together again, and websites and dates will cease to be.
In heaven we will dwell, with our loved one, this time for eternity.
By DJ French 3/26/06
Im waiting for you to join me, in my new home.
Please dont worry about me, for I assure you, I am not alone.
So many members of our family are with me over here.
We have no more pain, no more sorrow, no more earthly tears.
We are working hard to get everything ready for the big reunion,
Mansions ready, all needs are met, every day Communion.
I didnt want to leave you but Jesus needed me more.
Its so awesome over here, like mighty eagles we soar.
Im sorry I didnt get to kiss you and tell you good-by,
But, please know that I will love you always and please try not to cry.
I miss you but so many family and friends help me by sharing their memories,
Some have been here many years, waiting patiently.
Some are here that you never met on earth.
They had already entered heaven, long before your birth.
But they are waiting for you also, so anxious to meet,
We will all be waiting at the gates, when you enter, to greet.
To welcome you here, where there is no more death, ever again, separations dont exist.
No more grief, no more sorrow, just eternal bliss.
I know that you miss me and cry every day, constant memories run thru your mind.
But when you think of me, picture this, with Jesus I now dine.
He put me with you for 22 years, for so amny reasons,
But remember for every reason, there's a season.
You will always have these memories of me, deep within your heart,
But futute memories are already planned out, when we'll never have to part.
Until that day, when we are all together again,
Just know that I am with you every day, every min, every hour, from beginning to end.
I treasure the 22 years that I was with you there.
But eternity awaits, never-ending, together forever, so please just prepare.
So, I'll never say good-by, just see you very soon,
Know that I am with you,morning, nite and noon.
When you think of me and feel so much pain,
Know that one day, we'll be together again, where the sun chases away all the rain.
I will always love you, in every way, shape and form,
Be ready to join me here, Signed your firstborn
By Dj French 12/04
If you are reading this,
you have probally gone thru the most horrible nightmare that any parent could.
I lost my son, Shane, at the age of 22 from a gunshot wound.
Due to incompetence in our police department the scene was so contaminated
that we will probally never know exactly whose hand pulled the trigger though
we have a good idea who it was.
This is something that no one thinks will ever happen to them but it can,believe me.
We arent promised a tomorrow but it is so hard to outlive your child.
It just isnt supposed to happen that way.There are so many different emotioms that go
thru your heart,anger,grief,rage,disbelief,sorrow unknown,even guilt.
I felt guilty if I ate,slept,laughed, anything that I did I would wonder how can my life
go on without Shane in it? How could I think about anything but him?
I know that I will never be the same person,a part of me died with him and was
buried with him.I also know that I couldnt have lived thru this nightmare without
the Lord carrying me. It was hard with Him but I couldnt have made it without Him in my life.
Yes, I felt anger even at Him for awhile for allowing this to happen.
I questioned Him and have asked for forgiveness for this many times but I felt betrayed,
that I needed Shane more than He did.I know now that there were one set of footprints
in the sand for over 2 years and they were His,while He carried me.
I praise Him for this because at times I admit I didnt want to live at all,not another day.
But He let me know that I will see Shane again one day and we will never have to part.
PTL!! TY JESUS!!! When parents lose a child, no one knows what to say because there are no
words they can say that can make things better. Sometimes the best thing to do is just
listen,never say you know how they feel because if you havent lost a child,
you have no idea how they feel. People go thru grief different ways so let them go
thru these stages the way they can. If they want to talk about their child and cry,dont try
to stop them. This is part of the healing process and a stage they must go thru.
If they choose not to talk about them,then go along with that.
Some put their pictures everywhere,some cant look at their pictures.
God will let them go thru this process in their own way.None of us grieve in the
same way but is there a right way? We dont have instructions on how we are
supposed to act when we lose a child. For friends that are trying to help others go
thru this loss,just do whatever they feel like doing. Just be there to listen
to them,let them know that Jesus is always there to carry them and its ok to cry.
Understand whatever emotion they are feeling because there is anger,pain,grief,sorrow,
despair,every emotion imaginable and some that are not even imaginable.
Just be their friend,listen and answer when they ask questions and understand
they may say things that hurt you for their grief is so great.
Some cant go to the cemetery,for me I cant stay away and its been 8 years.
I know Shane isnt there,hes with God but I still go several times a week,
keeping his grave adorned with flowers,angels,etc.
This is the way that I cope but others have their own ways and all are right
if thats the way they can cope.
There is no right or wrong way to go thru a tragedy like this and the only way
we can get thru it is with God,depending on Him to bring us thru.
Please note: Im not a counselor or a pastor: Im merely a cracked pot
seeking superglue for my own heart in this topsy turvy world.
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17
There is one thing that comes from loss,and thats you get to find out who
your true friends are. During your time of grief, good friends are easy to spot.
They are the ones who will stand beside you no matter how uncomfortable things get.
They may not speak a single word, but you cant help hearing what their hearts are saying.
True friends understand your grief and try to help ypu thru each stage of it.
They can sense both when you need to be alone and when being alone is the last thing you want.
Unfortunately, a loss will also shine a light on friends of the other kind.
Friends who dont understand or care that your world has changed; they just
want everything to return to normal in their own world, and they want it now.
Not when you're ready, but when they are. They want you to hurry up and snap
out of it cause you're just too depressing to be around.
Its hard to understand friends like that, isnt it?
Don't they realize that you too, would like nothing more than for life to get back to normal?
But life is anything but normaal now. Your whole world has changed, and adjusting to that
change has to come on their own timeline, not someone else's.
So,don't let disappearing friends or even impatient ones make you feel guilty for
grieving. Friends like this are emotionally shallow,
They have probally never experienced a major loss in their own lives,
so they can't possibly know how it feels. If they had gone thru a loss,
they would know aht compassion and understanding is all about, and would give
you a little more of them.Imagine what the world would be like if it were full
of these kind of people. It wouldn't be a nice place,would it? God knows that,
and that could be one of the reasons He allows certain losses and disappointments to
come into our lives, He wants the world to have enough people who will understand when
someone is hurting, who can be that shoulder to lean on- not just because its the right
thing to do, but because they have been there themselves.We all need each other.
The best person to talk to when you're hurting is someone who has walked the path before you.
" I have told you these things, so that in mr you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
Its easy to get bitter when life traets us unfairly,isn't it?
Why did it have to be us who lost a child? Whay did it have to be us that lost a parent,
a sibling? Why couldn't this have happened to someone else? It isn't fair!!!
Though you may not know it yet,unfairness is fertile soil in which the root of
bitterness can grow.When life is unfair, we are at war within ourselves, alternating
between the desire to accept our trials with grace and wanting to be real and vent our
anger and hurt. True healings after a loss won't occur until we've honestly faced our hurt
and anger head on. Pretending these feeling don't exist will merely delay the healing process.
We might be able to fool others into thinking we're ok, but deep down we know we have these feelings.
God knows we do too.Admitting hurt and anger over the loss of someone you loved,
don't make you any less of a christian. It makes you human. So when life is unfair,
be honest about its unfairness and the pain it has caused you, get angry if you feel like it.
When you face your trials and thrive in the midsts of them you go from being a victim to being an overcomer.
You think its only a nightmare,isn't is? My child with whom I shared so much,carried in my womb for 9 months,
taught how to walk,talk,everything is gone. It cant be!!
Yes,I knew that death would strike close sometime. But its more than I can handle now.
Lost in a world of pain,sorrow,grief beyond any imaginable and such uncertainty.
I literally dont know which way to turn.And so I turn to You,God,.
I need to know that You are near me. I ask You to steady me...strengthen me....
as I cry out to You and let Your Word speak to my soul: :Save me O God,....
I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters, the floods engulf me. Psalm 69;1-2
Im overwhelmed with sadness. My heart physially aches. I see his pictures,cards,
poems,see the familiar writing. Each memory is like a whisper saying,
Life will never be the same. In the face of bereavement, some say, :
The Lord giveth and the lord taketh away."Easy for them. Right now, I can only agonize,
Why? Why give....then take away?I am faced with a new need.
A need to let God give me wisdom and understanding greater than my questions.
When I think about my loss, I feel such grief for the dreams that will never be realized,
for the hope that evaporated in a moment, for plans that can never be accomplished.
Memories are like broken pieces of a crystal dish,too painful to pick up.cant be put back together again.
Where can I turn,heartbroken and confused...often not even caring about tomorrow?
How can I find the will to go on? God, I know that You are the Great Designer,
the One who has all my tomorrows under control. Help me to trust You as the architect of
what will be- the One capable of creating something beautiful out of that which is broken."
He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
What is Normal Now? Normal for me is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery
for Christmas, birthday, Valentine's day, and Easter. Normal is discussing with a friend
in the Netherlands how different funeral customs are there than here.
Discussing how much both our children loved the things they loved and how those things
are now sitting lonely collecting dust. Normal is talking to a co-worker and the
conversation going toward how you felt after your child died. Normal is sitting at the
computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child.
Normal is feeling like you know how to act and are more comfortable with a funeral
than a wedding or a birthday party. Yet, feeling a stab of pain in your heart
when you smell the flowers, see that casket, and all the crying people.
Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming
cause you just don't like to sit through church anymore. And yet feeling like you have
more faith and belief in God than you ever have had before. Normal is going to bed
feeling like your kids who are alive got cheated out of happy cheerful parents and
instead they are stuck with sober, cautious people.
Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone
important is missing from all the important events in your families' life.
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's and why didn't I's
go through your head constantly. Normal is having the TV on the minute I walk
into the house to have noise because the silence is deafening.
Normal is staring at every little girl or boy who looks about my angels age.
And then thinking of the age my angel would be now and not being able to imagine it.
Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it because it will never happen.
Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking
close behind because of the hole in my heart. Normal is seeing my son at the cemetery
visiting his sisters grave and thinking, how could this be normal?
He shouldn't have to be going through this. Normal is seeing other kids that are
they age our angels would be teasing and playing with their brothers and sisters
and feeling so envious of them. Normal is seeing our angels friends and wondering
why they can't be with them. Why her, why him? Normal is singing a song and feeling
really great about doing well, followed by an immediate down after thinking how my
child would have said, "That was beautiful Momma (whether it really was or not).
Normal is telling the story of my childs death as if it were an everyday common
place activity and then gasping in horror at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing
it has become part of our normal. Normal is each year coming up with the difficult
task of how to honor your child's memory and their birthday and survive those days.
And trying to find the balloon or flag that fits the occasion. Happy Birthday?
Not really. Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of a penguin.
Thinking how they would love it, but how they're here to enjoy it.
Normal is getting up early to exercise (when I really hate exercise) because
I know my mental health depends on it. Normal is disliking jokes about death, funerals.
Bodies being referred to as cadavers when you know they were once someone's loved one.
Normal is being impatient with everything but someone stricken with grief over the
loss of their child. Normal is feeling a common bond with friends in England, Australia,
Netherlands, Canada, and all over the USA, but yet never having met any of them face to face.
Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother and meeting for coffee and talking
and crying together over our children and our new lives. And worrying together over our
living children. Normal is not being able to rest until you get the phone call that
your 15 year old with a school permit has arrived at school just fine.
And having the courage to let your 17 year old not call after driving to school
because he is insulted that you need to check on him.
Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned house or did laundry
or if there is any food in the house. Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to
say you have 2 or 3 children because you will never see this person again and it is not worth
explaining that one of them is in heaven. And yet when you say only 2 to avoid that problem
you feel horrible as if you have betrayed that child. Normal is feeling terrible hurt when
you see your child's power point presentation at parent/teacher's conference and that
child has listed no sister. Then you realize the way the information is set up there really
is no logical place to list the sister who has died and went to heaven.
And how awkward that must of been for him to think about the problem.
Normal is avoiding McDonald's and Burger King playgrounds because of small
happy children that break your heart when you see them.
And last of all normal is hiding all the things that have become normal for you to feel,
so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal".
UNLESS YOU'VE LOST A CHILD--- Don't ask us if we are over it yet. We'll never be over it. A part of us died with our child. Don't tell us they are in a better place. They are not here with us where they belong. Don't say at least they are not suffering. We haven't come to terms with why they suffered at all. Don't tell us at least we have other children. Which of your children would you have sacrificed? Don't ask us if we feel better. Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up. Don't force your beliefs on us. Not all of us share the same faith/religion. Don't tell us God never gives us more than we can bear. Right now we don't feel we can handle anything else. Don't avoid us. We don't have a contagious disease, just unbearable pain. Don't tell us you know how we feel unless you have lost a child. No other loss can compare to losing a child. It's not the natural order of things. Don't take our anger personally. We do know who we are angry with! But we lash out at those closest to us. Don't whisper behind us when we enter a room. We are in pain, not deaf. Don't stop calling us after the initial loss. Our grief does not stop there and we need to know others are thinking of us. Don't be offended when we don't return calls right away. We take each moment as it comes and some are worse than others are. Don't tell us to get on with our lives. We each grieve differently and in our own time frame. Grief can not be governed by and clock or calendar. Do say you are sorry. We're sorry, too and you saying that you share our sorrow is far better than saying any of those tired cliché's you don't really mean anyway. Just say you are sorry for your loss. Do put your arms around us and hold us. We need your strength to get us through each day. Do say you remember our child, if you do. Memories are all we have left and we cherish them. Do let us talk about our child. Our child lived and still lives on in our hearts forever. Do mention our child's name. It will not make us sad or hurt our feelings. Do let us cry. Crying is an important part of the grief process. Cry with us if you want to Do remember us on special dates. Our child's birth date (Jan.14th,1976) death date and holidays are a very lonely and difficult time for us without our child. Do send us cards on those dates saying you remember our child we do. Do show our family and your family that you care. Sometimes we forget to do that in our own pain. Do be thankful for children. Nothing hurts us worse than seeing other people in pain. Mary Cleckley, Atlanta, GA, wrote the original one.
">
| | | | | | | | | | | | | |
